Dreams

With shows like, The X Factor, American Idol, America's Next Top Model and Project Runway giving people a platform to pursue their dreams, and tell their story is an amazing gift. I know these “reality” shows are crafted to portray things/people a certain way, but the intention, the want of these people is real. They all want what the show has to offer whether it’s a second chance or the first chance, they are putting themselves out there to be judged on their talent. Many don’t win, but in a way they do, they are given validation and encouragement to continue the dream.

As a little kid we all have dreams. We want to be an astronaut or a fireman or a ballerina or a doctor or a lawyer or a major league baseball player, even a rock star. I knew from the age of five or six I wanted to be an actor. I held on to that dream for a long time. I took classes in acting, dance and voice. Once I saw my efforts pay off with my first paid acting job it gave me the confidence to pursue my acting career. So I moved to L.A. to make my mark, not realizing how hard it would be to get my foot in the door. 

Those that don't pursue their dreams will discourage yours.

I started to believe what was being whispered in my ear and I gave up my acting dream. I was confused, angry, lost and I felt like a piece of me died and it did. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life and I was grieving my loss. Did I give up too easily? Was I really not good enough? Did I really want an acting career? Was I willing to do the work? Was I up to the standard or caliber of acting Hollywood expected? All of these thoughts were put into my head. 


I struggled for a long time with this, until I stepped back to take a look at my part in giving up. Where I am responsible? I truly wanted to be a great actor, but I was emotionally unavailable and lazy. I half-assed my pursuit and I didn't understand how hard it would be to break into the industry. I was unwilling to do some of the work it would take to get to where I wanted to be. I loved the idea of being someone else, but I had no true passion for acting and I just wanted it to fall in my lap. I also realized that we never truly let go of our dreams, we put them away, on a shelf with a sigh and say if only...

 In retrospect, what I see is I knew I wanted to be part of the film industry, I just got sidetracked on where I should put my attention. Now I know that when I pursue my dreams I have to pursue them with a voracity, a passion and not let anyone deter me from what I want. I have a thicker skin  and I am willing to do what it takes to make that happen. I am stubborn and in this  case that is a good thing because I will make my dreams come true and so can you. 

Failure

Failure can be a dirty word in my book; it holds so many connotations to it. If someone says you are a failure, what does that evoke in your mind? It can evoke thoughts of not being good enough, that you will never accomplish what you set out to do. If you are repeatedly told this then do you tend to believe it? So what does failure mean? Failure according to the dictionary is a lack of success, an unsuccessful person, enterprise or thing, lack of success in passing an examination or test. Also, a lack of deficiency of a desirable quality, the action or state of not functioning, the collapse of a business.

If I give up on something does that mean I am a failure? Or if I decide I am not interested in doing something anymore does that make me a failure? Should I measure how much I have accomplished against what I haven't achieved to say whether I am a failure or a success? I have also heard failure is giving up. So  if I give up is that a bad thing? Does it depend on the situation? I only ask because I have thought of my self as a failure. How do I see failure as a good thing? Is it such a thing?

The best way I can look at failure is this: Failure is giving us a chance to try things out and see if they are things we like to do. Failure give us a chance to find better ways of doing things so we can succeed. It also lets us know what we don't like to do or want to do ever again. So am I a failure? Yes, at some things I am,  at others I am a success. Failure gives me a chance to find out who I am, what I like to do and what I never want to do again. Failure is not what I am, failure is just another word for success, because without failure we would never have success. Failure in many ways is a blessing, it gives us the chance to try again and make our drems come true.

Hello!

Recently I lost my grandmother, that really hit me hard. I had a couple of projects in pre-production and I have decided to put them all on hold for now. I decided to focus on me and deal with the loss of my grandmother and work on myself. So I have been thinking about starting a blog to have a place for all of the thoughts in my to go. Is it a good idea? I have no idea, but I am  going to commit to this and let you know what I am going through. Am I afraid to show you who I really am? I have to say yes, but it is important for me to be honest and true with my thoughts and feelings. So this is the first day of the journey and I am nervous, excited and uneasy about what it all means. So let's find out where I am going day by day, week by week and I am looking forward to sharing more of my life with you.