It's been a while since I've last posted, I've been working on some family issues and can't really blog about it right now, but I've been doing well. I am so happy today I cried tears of joy over making candy bar cookies. I know it may sound strange, but those are my favorite cookies at Christmas. I have such good memories of baking with my mom and all of the smells of the season. I loved all of the shopping and gift giving and I felt the love of the season. The cold crisp weather and snow those were good times.
For a while there I wasn't so happy and the season didn't make me so happy anymore. I busied myself with work and worrying about having enough money. Then when I went through a bit of depression a few years ago I realized I am the maker of my fate and from that point my life started to be what I wanted it to be. Then a blessing came to me this year disguised as my grandmother's passing. It forced me to deal with my feelings and I took that opportunity to work on me. I wanted to put a painful past of bullying, of not feeling good enough, of being ashamed of who I was behind me. So I started a blog.
I started the blog to put my feelings, thoughts and emotions out there so I could see people, situations and the past for what it is. I wanted to see where I was responsible for the situation, to see where I had no control over what happened and forgive myself and others. So far has been one of the best experiences I've had. I've found happiness again, I started to enjoy my life again, and I found some perspective I truly needed.
It hit me the other day, I'm not going to get a Christmas card from my grandmother and that made me sad, but it also reminded me of the memories of Christmases past I had with her. I will cherish those moments and memories. I may have had to say goodbye to my grandmother is this life, but I know she's happy and in a better place with my grandfather enjoying the afterlife.
I know it's the people in our lives that make the season a reason to celebrate and I am happy to celebrate the people in my life and I'm grateful for everyone in it. I am very blessed this season and so are you, just look around at all you have and enjoy the blessings that are your friends and family, I know I will.
Also, here's my favorite holiday song.
